Monday, 29 December 2014

What do you do after?

I remember coming home after my Mum's funeral, the old man had decided to take us to a hotel straight after, The Dormy Hotel in Bournemouth, where we had spent many happy times, not the best idea but his way of doing things, Elliot was driving and got lost, the journey was far from ideal, emotions running high.

This was not one of those happy occasions.

Looking back, the inner frustration had already set in, questions rolling round in my mind. Rebellious, stubborn, argumentative, reality was starting to dawn on me, all I wanted was my Mum.

As we pulled into our road I could see my Mum's car, for a split second I said to myself Mum's home but Mum was never coming home.

I looked at my younger brother who was twelve at the time and thought what must be going through his mind at such a young age and asked myself the question, what do we do now?

Looking back a lot of the issues that developed with my Dad really started from here, I blamed him in some way, in reality he had just lost his wife, the person he woke up with, the person he turned to, his everything in hindsight. 

You don't think this at the time or I didn't but I now know is perfectly natural emotions, at that age you want some one to blame in some way and where bereavement counselling of some description for a young mind should start and if offered should be taken, if left to fester starts to turn to anger. 

And for any parent who has sadly has found them self reading this, one, I am sorry for your loss, two follow it up, their world has changed forever and they are going to need help along the way.

I went back to college, Caroline a business studies tutor asked for an assignment I was given just before my mum died.

Obviously I had not even thought about it and in that moment I stood up and threw the chair at her, I now know that I was in turmoil I had no hatred towards Caroline but I was in the unknown in my eyes, this anger erupted and it happened, I was a loving child always smiling, mischievious, a bit spiteful but not angry, I am now throwing a plastic chair at a teacher.

The College sent me to the College counsellor, who broke down when we started talking, great help, however that was 1991, things have changed and bereavement counselling is available, St Christopher's Hospice, Lawrie Park Road, London is a good place to start.

The study from the medical journal talks about the later effects, the reason for this blog is to try and get there before the emotional issues, the anger, the trust issues and try and lighten the load.

Bereavement counselling deals with the circle of life.  

I was sixteen and thought as most sixteen year olds do, I already knew everything.......

Your Mum is your mum you were connected not just by the umbilical cord but spiritually and you feel that loss and there is nothing anyone can say that takes away that pain, you hear time is a healer in some ways it just puts a bigger gap between the event and the present it doesn't help with how you feel at that moment in time.

One thing, let your emotions out and talk, I stopped crying, I could cry at the drop of a hat as a child. Maybe because I felt I had to be strong for my brothers and my Dad and we had alot of problems with my Mum's family, she had a half sister and two brother's, one thought my Dad had arranged the funeral on his busiest day deliberately, the half sister didn't agree with anything and the older brother didn't say alot at all, great help when you are trying to organise a funeral.

Another sad reality of death people disappear, they don't know how to handle it, so,  easier to ignore and it also brings peoples own mortality to mind.

My strong Dad was starting to crumble before my eyes our mum done everything, organised, that was now gone and the old man was in freefall.

Something I didn't take into consideration his loss, what must be going through his mind, if you are reading this with the same thoughts try and step back easier said than done.

The alchemist,

Try to calm your mind, Make a memory box, get it all in one place, I didn't, it will help as time goes by, look at photos, keep your memories, you may rebel against them but they will carry you in time to come.

There is also yoga, meditation, in reality you are going to have to get to know yourself and I do mean know yourself, there are a lot of emotions to deal with, situations, anger, inverted emotion coming out the wrong way, can effect personal relationships, feeling like something is missing all the time, frustration,  all perfectly natural and normal, I now know.

There is no guide or manual and we do just have to get on with it and that is Life, what we can do is help the mind, listen to our instincts, not be afraid to cry,


Everything in life is possible, if you put your mind to it, at this moment in time concentrate on yourself and immediate family.

Human Nature is a funny thing we seem to hurt those we love the most.






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Saturday, 27 December 2014

The only thing that stops you doing anything in life is yourself.Fear of failure

My dad said to me about the age of nineteen "you can tell the state of somebodies mind by the state of their bedroom, and yours is fucked" and it is true.

When anything gets a bit too much have a tidy up get things where they should be create some order, take your mind away from whatever it is, sounds stupid but it gives your inner self time to think and it calms the enviroment.

The negative side will always rear it's head just before your driving test, exams, meetings, job interviews, alot of things have helped over the years, living and working in other countries, making mistakes, in every negative there is a positive you just have to find it.

Some of the worst experiences will become a positive at a later date. Some of the positive will turn out to be negative in the long run.

Something to tell yourself when you find your mind slipping back to the past, to bring you into the here and now.

If we were meant to look backwards in life we would have eyes in the back of our head as it is they are in the front so we can only look forward so look forward to what is to come. 
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Dealing with the Death of my Dad my hero


After my mum's death me and my dad had a funny confrontational, love hate relationship, he was jealous of the love my mum had for me and I now totally understand, he thought I knew more than I did.

Our relationships was quite funny, if I was on my arse he would help but the second you turned it around he started being funny, in hindsight his way, he was a character and I carry him with me wherever I go or do wether it be doing a deal opening the door for somebody or just helping someone because you can, he was a true gentleman.

When I realised he was in trouble he was in St Thomas and had been trying to get messages to me all day, I knew where to find him, I walked into the cubicle and he just started crying and telling me how much he really loved me but for whatever reason, maybe because I have an answer for everything, was unable to tell me but I needed to know, we both broke down, I didn't leave his side from that moment on.

I as good as moved into the hospitals and finally St Christopher's Hospice with my dad over the  nine months until the morning he passed.

Fear is the only thing that stops you in that situation, very hard to deal with as a teenager, either way it will stay with you for the rest of your life.

Why because as I said you never get that time back and it is no different to the love they showed you as a baby.

In that time we more than made up for the time we lost, too similar in reality,something I will have to keep an eye on with my own son.

I was 36/37 at the time not a teenager like when my mum passed.
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Guilt life and dealing with it

You don't know what you have until it is gone, harsh when it is one of your parents.
as previously stated I don't have much recollection of seeing my mum much in the last year of her life the last three she was in hospital.

I was working on a souvenir stall in the middle of Leicester Square at the time.

I spoke to my cousin who told me to come to the hospital, that was the last time I saw my mum, in reality she was well on her way.

My Dad called me at home the next morning, I was there on my own but I already I half wishered her to die for my own selfish reasons.

Even now that is hard to read back to myself but that was the reality.

This was 1991 the beginnings of the acid house parties and clubbing in London, quite an easy escape.

There was always a party, I grew up to my mums vinyl anything from the original one man band Jessy Fuller, Motown and developed an interest in playing music blending it, organising parties easier than finding work, play at your own, more money, no real rules as such well that was the theory.

But as we also know that every high must come a low and that unfortunately is where the not so fun begins.............

It is not a long term solution

However 5htp, St jons wart and Spirulina plus a healthy diet is....

So in hindsight and deep down I knew there was something missing that I had yet to deal with.

During those days parties were fuelled, as well documented, by ecstasy an unbelievable mind opening spiritual experience that in some way helped me to come to terms with the world and my grief but I had already sensed the changes I was starting to develop, I remember telling my then girlfriend to leave not because I was going to turn into Michael Jackson out of Thriller, I could feel my old self slipping away, I now look at my son and the memories my mind had hidden to protect me open up, the innocence, it quite often brings a tear to my eye something that hasn't really happened since my Dad's funeral four years ago and even then it wouldn't fully come out, in some cultures the whole village wails for however many days and then they have passed to the other life as they see it.

It has taken me some time to work through the various emotions and anger, both my parents had a temper and were not afraid of confrontation.

I was a sixteen year old boy that had just lost his mum, I hadn't thought that far forward, I didn't go and see her at the chapel of rest, I turned up late for the funeral, although the church was a walk from the house, I was I now know in free fall, who wants to go to their Mum's funeral, really, in reality I was a sixteen year old boy who had just lost his mum, his world, his everything.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

I came to realise and now know the anger was the guilt I felt, I was not there for my mum before or while she was dying and there was and never would be any way of changing that, bitter pill to swallow, in reality I was a sixteen year old boy who didn;t know his arse from his elbow, who had a mum that wanted to shield him from her death, that had manifested in me as anger, ironic a somewhat.

Don't be too harsh on yourself, be aware I no longer drink, I found it brought out the worst in me personally, I have my vices and I try to see both sides of the coin before i make a decision or react to a situatiom, I sually kill it with kindness or a quick one liner that cuts right to the heart of the matter in a direct but non offensive way.
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pharmaceuticals or alternative supplements without the mumbo jumbo

What I take and why, I take one 50mg 5HTP and one St jons wart and three spirulina tablets prferably drunk with 100% coconut water daily.

5htp naturally creates serotonin and St jons wart naturally calms the nervous system, as our minds can fall negatively quickly so can our bodies,

Spirulina speaks for itself.

I remember the day my stomach literally fell out, I walked up the stairs from school and I heard my mum saying the cancer was back, I fell to the floor.

I now believe that once the mind has experienced that kind of trauma, it knows that feeling and can take you back there without you even knowing.

Therefore we have to keep working to stay positive mentally and physically.

Spirulina

Spirulina (dietary supplement)

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Spirulina tablets
Spirulina（dried）
Nutritional value per 100 g (3.5 oz)
Energy1,213 kJ (290 kcal)
23.9 g
Sugars3.1 g
Dietary fiber3.6 g
7.72 g
Saturated2.65 g
Monounsaturated0.675 g
Polyunsaturated2.08 g
57.47 g
Tryptophan0.929 g
Threonine2.97 g
Isoleucine3.209 g
Leucine4.947 g
Lysine3.025 g
Methionine1.149 g
Cystine0.662 g
Phenylalanine2.777 g
Tyrosine2.584 g
Valine3.512 g
Arginine4.147 g
Histidine1.085 g
Alanine4.515 g
Aspartic acid5.793 g
Glutamic acid8.386 g
Glycine3.099 g
Proline2.382 g
Serine2.998 g
Vitamins
Vitamin A equiv.
(4%)
29 μg
(3%)
342 μg
0 μg
Thiamine (B1)
(207%)
2.38 mg
Riboflavin (B2)
(306%)
3.67 mg
Niacin (B3)
(85%)
12.82 mg
(70%)
3.48 mg
Vitamin B6
(28%)
0.364 mg
Folate (B9)
(24%)
94 μg
Vitamin B12
(0%)
0 μg
Choline
(13%)
66 mg
Vitamin C
(12%)
10.1 mg
Vitamin D
(0%)
0 IU
Vitamin E
(33%)
5 mg
Vitamin K
(24%)
25.5 μg
Trace metals
Calcium
(12%)
120 mg
Iron
(219%)
28.5 mg
Magnesium
(55%)
195 mg
Manganese
(90%)
1.9 mg
Phosphorus
(17%)
118 mg
Potassium
(29%)
1363 mg
Sodium
(70%)
1048 mg
Zinc
(21%)
2 mg
Other constituents
Water4.68 g
Link to USDA Database entry
Percentages are roughly approximated usingUS recommendations for adults.
Source: USDA Nutrient Database
Spirulina is a cyanobacterium that can be consumed by humans and other animals; there are two species, Arthrospira platensis and Arthrospira maxima.
Arthrospira is cultivated worldwide; used as a dietary supplement as well as a whole food; and is also available in tablet, flake and powder form. It is also used as a feed supplement in the aquaculture,aquarium and poultry industries.[1]

Etymology and ecology[edit]

Main article: Arthrospira
The maxima and plaetensis species were once classified in the genus Spirulina. There is now agreement that they are in fact Arthrospira; nevertheless, and somewhat confusingly, the older term Spirulina remains in use for historical reasons.[1][2]
Arthrospira are free-floating filamentous cyanobacteria characterized by cylindrical, multicellulartrichomes in an open left-hand helix. They occur naturally in tropical and subtropical lakes with highpH and high concentrations of carbonate and bicarbonate.[3] Arthrospira platensis occurs in Africa, Asia and South America, whereas Arthrospira maxima is confined to Central America.[1] Most cultivated spirulina is produced in open channel raceway ponds, with paddle-wheels used to agitate the water.[3] The largest commercial producers of spirulina are located in the United States,Thailand, India, Taiwan, China, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Burma (a.k.a. Myanmar), Greece andChile.[1]
Spirulina thrives at a pH around 8.5 +, which will get more alkaline, and a temperature around 30 °C (86 °F). They are able to make their own food, and do not need a living energy or organic carbon source. In addition, spirulina have to have an ensemble of nutrients to thrive in a home aquarium or pond. A simple nutrient feed for growing Spirulina is:
which can all be found in aquarium or else in the agricultural division, all commonly occurring compounds except for the iron sulphate. The algae has actually been tested and successfully grown in human urine at 1:180 parts.[4] After 7days, 97% of NH4+-N, 96.5% of total phosphorus (TP) and 85–98% of urea in the urine (ca. 120-diluted) were removed by the microalgae under autotrophic culture (30 °C).[5]

Historical use[edit]

Spirulina was a food source for the Aztecs and other Mesoamericans until the 16th century; the harvest from Lake Texcoco and subsequent sale as cakes were described by one of Cortés' soldiers.[6][7] The Aztecs called it "tecuitlatl".[3]
Spirulina was found in abundance at Lake Texcoco by French researchers in the 1960s, but there is no reference to its use by the Aztecs as a daily food source after the 16th century, probably due to the draining of the surrounding lakes for agricultural and urban development.[2][3] The first large-scale spirulina production plant, run by Sosa Texcoco, was established there in the early 1970s.[1]
Spirulina has also been traditionally harvested in Chad. It is dried into cakes called dihé, which are used to make broths for meals, and also sold in markets. The spirulina is harvested from small lakes and ponds around Lake Chad.[8]

Nutrient and vitamin content[edit]

Protein[edit]

Dried spirulina contains about 60% (51–71%) protein. It is a complete protein containing all essential amino acids, though with reduced amounts of methionine, cysteine and lysine when compared to the proteins of meat, eggs and milk. It is, however, superior to typical plant protein, such as that from legumes.[2][9]
The U.S. National Library of Medicine said that spirulina was no better than milk or meat as a protein source, and was approximately 30 times more expensive per gram.[10]

Other nutrients[edit]

Spirulina's lipid content is about 7% by weight,[11] and is rich in gamma-linolenic acid (GLA), and also provides alpha-linolenic acid (ALA), linoleic acid (LA), stearidonic acid (SDA), eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA), docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and arachidonic acid (AA).[9][12] Spirulina contains vitamins B1 (thiamine), B2 (riboflavin), B3 (nicotinamide), B6 (pyridoxine), B9 (folic acid), vitamin C, vitamin A and vitamin E.[9][12] It is also a source of potassium, calcium, chromium, copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, selenium, sodium and zinc.[9][12] Spirulina contains many pigments which may be beneficial and bioavailable, including beta-carotene, zeaxanthin, chlorophyll-a, xanthophyll, echinenone,myxoxanthophyll, canthaxanthin, diatoxanthin, 3'-hydroxyechinenone, beta-cryptoxanthin and oscillaxanthin, plus the phycobiliproteins c-phycocyanin and allophycocyanin.[1]

Vitamin B12 controversy[edit]

Spirulina is not considered to be a reliable source of Vitamin B12. Spirulina supplements contain predominantly pseudovitamin B12, which is biologically inactive in humans.[13] Companies which grow and market spirulina have claimed it to be a significant source of B12 on the basis of alternative, unpublished assays, although their claims are not accepted by independent scientific organizations. The American Dietetic Association and Dietitians of Canada in their position paper on vegetarian diets state that spirulina cannot be counted on as a reliable source of active vitamin B12.[14] The medical literature similarly advises that spirulina is unsuitable as a source of B12.[13][15]

Possible health benefits and risks[edit]

Safety[edit]

Toxicological studies[edit]

Toxicological studies of the effects of spirulina consumption on humans and animals, including feeding as much as 800 mg/kg,[16] and replacing up to 60% of protein intake with spirulina,[17] have shown no toxic effects.[18] Fertility, teratogenicity, peri- and post-natal, and multi-generational studies on animals also have found no adverse effects from spirulina consumption.[19] Spirulina intake has also been found to prevent damage caused by toxins affecting the heart, liver, kidneys, neurons, eyes, ovaries, DNA, and testicles.[19] In a 2009 study, 550 malnourished children were fed up to 10 g/day of spirulina powder, with no adverse effects. Similarly, dozens of clinical studies in humans have shown no harmful effects from spirulina supplementation.[citation needed]

Quality-related safety issues[edit]

Spirulina is a form of cyanobacterium, some of which are known to produce toxins such as microcystins, BMAA, and others. Some spirulina supplements have been found to be contaminated with microcystins, albeit at levels below the limit set by the Oregon Health Department.[20]Microcystins can cause gastrointestinal disturbances and, in the long term, liver cancer. The effects of chronic exposure to even very low levels of microcystins are of concern, because of the potential risk of cancer.[20]
These toxic compounds are not produced by spirulina itself,[21] but may occur as a result of contamination of spirulina batches with other toxin-producing blue-green algae. Because spirulina is considered a dietary supplement in the U.S., there is no active, industry-wide regulation of its production and no enforced safety standards for its production or purity.[20] The U.S. National Institutes of Health describes spirulina supplements as "possibly safe", provided they are free of microcystin contamination, but "likely unsafe" (especially for children) if contaminated.[22] Given the lack of regulatory standards in the U.S., some public-health researchers have raised the concern that consumers cannot be certain that spirulina and other blue-green algae supplements are free of contamination.[20]
Heavy-metal contamination of spirulina supplements has also raised concern. The Chinese State Food and Drug Administration reported thatlead, mercury, and arsenic contamination was widespread in spirulina supplements marketed in China.[23]

Safety issues for certain target groups[edit]

Due to very high Vitamin K content, patients undergoing anticoagulant treatments should not change consumption patterns of spirulina without seeking medical advice to adjust the level of medication accordingly.[citation needed]
Like all protein-rich foods, spirulina contains the essential amino acid phenylalanine (2.6-4.1 g/100 g),[3] which should be avoided by people who have phenylketonuria, a rare genetic disorder that prevents the body from metabolizing phenylalanine, which then builds up in the brain, causing damage.[24]

In vitro research[edit]

The primary active component of spirulina is Phycocyanobilin, which constitutes about 1% of Spirulina by weight.[25][26] This compound inhibits NADPH oxidase.[27] Spirulina has been studied in vitro against HIV,[28] as an iron-chelating agent,[29] and as a radioprotective agent.[30] Animal studies have evaluated spirulina in the prevention of chemotherapy-induced heart damage,[31] stroke recovery,[32] age-related declines in memory,[33] diabetes mellitus,[34] in amyotrophic lateral sclerosis,[35] and in rodent models of hay fever.[36]

Human research[edit]

In humans, small studies have been undertaken evaluating spirulina in undernourished children,[37] as a treatment for the cosmetic aspects ofarsenic poisoning,[38] in hay fever and allergic rhinitis,[39][40] in arthritis,[41] in hyperlipidemia and hypertension,[41][42] and as a means of improving exercise tolerance.[43]
At present, these studies are considered preliminary. According to the U.S. National Institutes of Health, at present there is insufficient scientific evidence to recommend spirulina supplementation for any human condition, and more research is needed to clarify its benefits, if any.[22]

Advocates[edit]

Since 1974, the United Nations has strongly supported Spirulina "as the best food for the future",[44] and established the Intergovernmental Institution for the use of Micro-algae Spirulina Against Malnutrition in 2003.[45]
In the late 1980s and early 90s, both NASA (CELSS)[46] and the European Space Agency (MELISSA)[47] proposed Spirulina as one of the primary foods to be cultivated during long-term space missions.

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